There’s a particular poetry to cruising: the hiss of the wake, the quiet clink of ice in a pool-safe plastic cup, and the relentless soundtrack of strangers narrating the obvious. We’ve all contributed to the chorus (though for some of us, that's been in surround sound).
Right, on to the main event. Here’s your printable bingo card so you can play your own game on board!
A few personal favourites...
“Are we on ship time or local time?”
The national anthem of the gangway. It’s funny because the answer is printed on three daily planners, two door magnets, and your forehead in sunscreen. Yet this particular refrain still seems to spreads down the gangway faster than you can say 'check the programme'.
“Which side is port again?”
Every cruise seems to invent this question anew, as if language has changed overnight. You hear someone else say “port has four letters, left has four letters,” before swiftly being promoted to Admiral of Mnemonics. Then, five minutes later, everyone's forgotten again and you're left standing at starboard, shrugging.
“I can’t even feel it moving.”
On a North Sea crossing this is typically said with a heroic smile and a grip that could bend the handrail; the punchline arrives when your gin and tonic slides off the table (to starboard, of course).
“What time is all aboard?”
Announced on the PA, printed on the card, whispered by the wind, still somehow a mystery.
“This cabin is bigger than my first flat.”
It probably isn’t. But look at all these cunning drawers. And a wardrobe that swallows luggage like a black hole.
“Was that a dolphin?”
Statistically it was probably a wave. But we salute the optimism. Bonus points if someone's insisting it was a critically endangered Amazon pink river dolphin (as your ship exits the lower part of the Thames estuary...)